This is home for the next four years. Am I happy with that? I am for the purpose it serves. It will provide us a better opportunity for our future. That's about it.
Our recent trip to England reminded me of how much I love it there; not that I needed that much of a reminder. Being back in Shefford was bittersweet. Walking the lawns of the priory was emotionally taxing. Looking at the whole of Chicksands, I saw a part of my past with every flutter of my eyelashes. There is where I met....this is where my family....this is where my friend...this is where I....it all came rushing back. How strange to hear nothing but english voices on this base.
I was so happy there. Even though there were those reminders of her everywhere, I still felt better there than anywhere I've been since. Yes, even Ohio.
Once again I felt that urge to runaway and never return to the states. It was like nails on a chalkboard to hear american voices.
I couldn't bring myself to go see friends who live there now. The shame of how I have become prevented me from doing so. The train seemed to sense my pain and took off rather rapidly from those stops. It knew I wasn't ready to see them yet.
I would never want to go back to my past...but I do want to go back to my past home. Does that make sense? Perhaps not. I suppose I should go pop a pill and succumb to the urge to sleep.
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