So here it is, not quite the dawn of my thirty-third year and I am taking a giant leap out of my comfort zone. I thought my mid-life crisis would be a little more into my 'mid-life'. *sigh* Maybe this is my mid-life....what a depressing thought.
Backpacks, sharpened pencils, pens, laptop, notebooks, $$$....is this what it takes to return to school? Gone are the carefree days of skipping into a chalk-dusted classroom, pb&j happily swinging in the bright plastic lunchbox. Should have paid more attention back then. Was more fascinated by the little things going on around me than the big picture.
Oh don't fret...I did (somehow) make it through high school....how is lost to me. The distinct memory of being told by a loathsome, handle-bar moustached man that I was in dire straits, will forever remain etched into the gray matter he tried to expand. He only inspired me to work just enough to pass. I can't honestly put the blame on him though. It was all me.
Here I am now, 15 years after that moment, starting my educational career all over. Do I still carry the backpack? What if I don't know where to go? No friends to say, "Hey...I'll meet you at 'such-and-such' class, ok?" My first day at a new high school was less stressful than this. How ridiculous to feel this nervous about trying to better my life. Absurd.
I remember the panic attack I had last time I enrolled in school. How embarassing to be gasping for air, sitting behind the steering wheel of the Olds, tears streaming down my cheeks and realizing I was the big failure I always thought myself to be. I let the insecurities win that day. 5 years ago I could have had all this done by now.
Though still a few months away...the butterflies are in quite the frenzy...and it's making me nauseous.
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